Get in shower - use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.
Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Exit-Mould. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.
How to Shower like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound. Look at manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your knob and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap. Shampoo hair. Make shampoo mohawk. Pee. Rinse off shampoo and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor. Admire knob size in mirror again. Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light on and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noises again.
u forgot the most important one leave toliot seat up on purpose yea i can't spell atm probly cause im still roflmfao or just can't c straight either way its all good. walks to bathroom makes sure seat is up, nope its down lift seat up walk out and go to sleep. doh forgot to log in well if u don't know who this is then heres clue still worse speller in swg
